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My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory
Starting with a first date with a couple of swingers, followed by working through social anxiety and shyness, recognizing the importance of touch in life, evolving feelings about love and expectations, having threesomes, orgies, and prostate orgasms, going through a divorce, and leveling up in life and sexuality.
For five years, Cooper S. Beckett has written for Life on the Swingset. The website was born out of the feeling that he’d learned enough in his whole year of swinging to tell other people how to live their non-monogamous lives. His hubris can be seen from space. Here he has collected personal essays, stories, erotica, and prescriptive “how-tos” into this memoir of his life on The Swingset.
He may be biased when it comes to swinging, polyamory, and other forms of ethical non-monogamy (in fact, he most certainly is) but he doesn’t sugar-coat it. He speaks honestly and earnestly about a unique way to live life, one that allows for sexual and loving growth and experimentation, a strong sense of community, and the ability to do what we all crave whether we know it or not: Be honest with ourselves and others about what we want sexually. And out of life.
For five years, Cooper S. Beckett has written for Life on the Swingset. The website was born out of the feeling that he’d learned enough in his whole year of swinging to tell other people how to live their non-monogamous lives. His hubris can be seen from space. Here he has collected personal essays, stories, erotica, and prescriptive “how-tos” into this memoir of his life on The Swingset.
He may be biased when it comes to swinging, polyamory, and other forms of ethical non-monogamy (in fact, he most certainly is) but he doesn’t sugar-coat it. He speaks honestly and earnestly about a unique way to live life, one that allows for sexual and loving growth and experimentation, a strong sense of community, and the ability to do what we all crave whether we know it or not: Be honest with ourselves and others about what we want sexually. And out of life.
351 pages, Paperback
First published January 6, 2015
About the author
Cooper S. Beckett
11 books100 followersAs a queer non-monogamous writer, Cooper S. Beckett endeavors to create characters that reflect the diverse lifestyles of his friends, his partners, and himself. From that mandate, he writes scary, silly, and sexy books and essays. Beginning his writing career as a podcaster and speaker in the sexuality education community, he wrote My Life on the Swingset, a memoir of his first five years in non-monogamy, then followed that up with two novels that take a brutally honest look at swinging and polyamory, A Life Less Monogamous, and Approaching the Swingularity. Returning to his first love, the horror genre, has been like a homecoming. From a young age, his obsession with horror movies and books seriously concerned his mother. It probably still does. Given a choice, he would rather winter at the Overlook than the Waldorf. Like Lydia Deetz, he has always thought of himself strange and unusual, be it his perspective on sexuality, monogamy, politics, or where Elder Gods ought to fall in the hierarchy.
He lives in Chicago with his wife, constant, and binary star, Ophilia Tesla, and their black cats Xander and Willow.
He lives in Chicago with his wife, constant, and binary star, Ophilia Tesla, and their black cats Xander and Willow.
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Displaying 1 - 18 of 18 reviews
January 9, 2015
Sex books that address non-monogamy tend to be written by women or, a much smaller subset, by gay men. That's not a judgement, but it does mean that the perspective of heterosexual men tends to be under-represented, so this book fills a gap of sorts in the literature, even if Cooper identifies as Kinsey-scale 2 bisexual.
Kudos to Cooper for putting his neurotic self out there as an imperfect human example, and not in a dweeb-to-Charles-Atlas sort of way (which is kind of Daniel Stern's approach in Swingland, covering some of the same territory). My Life on the Swingset is a bit of a cross between Suzy Spencer's sex-exploration memoir (Secret Sex Lives) and Clarissa Thorne's more thematically arranged blog-post-best-of collection (The S&M Feminist).
While My Life on the Swingset is more polished than the S&M feminist, there's sometimes a bit of mental whiplash from a lack of transition between some chapters (kind of like how reading a collection of short stories straight through is harder than reading a novel straight through).
As a memoir, it's a bit more problematic, in that the Wife with whom he first starts swinging with quickly disappears from the narrative, only to re-appear as (primary) "partner" about two-thirds of the book in (and some years) later; suggesting that he more seriously date other women just before their divorce is announced in the next chapter [Didja see that one coming? {Only surprised it didn't happen sooner}].
Those aside, this is a thought-provoking book well-worth reading, because we all tend to be neurotic and questioning when it comes to the socially transgressive acts of sex.
Kudos to Cooper for putting his neurotic self out there as an imperfect human example, and not in a dweeb-to-Charles-Atlas sort of way (which is kind of Daniel Stern's approach in Swingland, covering some of the same territory). My Life on the Swingset is a bit of a cross between Suzy Spencer's sex-exploration memoir (Secret Sex Lives) and Clarissa Thorne's more thematically arranged blog-post-best-of collection (The S&M Feminist).
While My Life on the Swingset is more polished than the S&M feminist, there's sometimes a bit of mental whiplash from a lack of transition between some chapters (kind of like how reading a collection of short stories straight through is harder than reading a novel straight through).
As a memoir, it's a bit more problematic, in that the Wife with whom he first starts swinging with quickly disappears from the narrative, only to re-appear as (primary) "partner" about two-thirds of the book in (and some years) later; suggesting that he more seriously date other women just before their divorce is announced in the next chapter [Didja see that one coming? {Only surprised it didn't happen sooner}].
Those aside, this is a thought-provoking book well-worth reading, because we all tend to be neurotic and questioning when it comes to the socially transgressive acts of sex.
April 21, 2015
Cooper Beckett shared this book with me in order to write a story (not a review) about it and the swinging lifestyle. I hadn't planned on reading the entire book nor am I personally interested in swinging or non-monogamy, but I gobbled it up! Cooper provides an excellent first-person account of his experiences in swinging and non-monogamy and provides a lot of excellent advice ... even through some lessons he learned the hard way. I highly recommend this book to any couple looking into swinging or non-monogamy or if you just want to be fully informed about the lifestyle. It's extremely well written. Cooper writes in a great conversational style. It's almost like having him having a personal conversation with you.
February 1, 2015
This book was an honest, heart-felt account of Cooper's experiences with non-monogamy and with life. He openly shares his low points with the same degree of authenticity as his high points. That is what makes this book universally relatable. We all have those moments of doubt, of unexpected courage, and of excitement. Unfortunately, we don't all discuss them, so many of us feel alone. This book left me feeling seen and connected in a way that no book ever has in the past. I am forever grateful to Cooper for his willingness to share his truth.
February 16, 2015
Very thought provoking and discusses many concepts and concerns to consider balancing polyamory and swinging or open relationship issues.
August 20, 2015
It was a good read, Interesting choice of lifestyle!
August 14, 2018
An honest, personal and often funny set of great essays and insights on open sexuality and polyamory. I’ve read a number of great books on the topic, and this is right up there with “Opening Up” and “The Ethical Slut” in terms of giving readers the language and tools to become more aware, empowered and responsible as they explore this fascinating and rewarding alternative lifestyle. Cooper’s voice, tone and humor are a very welcome open hand and heart.
December 28, 2017
Personal and informational look at what one person's experience swinging has felt like... probably more helpful than it sounds because as Cooper points out, a newbie is wondering "How does this work?!?!" Sometimes the best information is just listening to another's story. Listen to this one- his narration style is adorable and engaging.
February 18, 2017
I started listening to Life on the Swingset back in 2011. Unfortunately, I fell out of the habit at the beginning of 2013. A few weeks ago, I picked it up again. I was very pleased to hear that Cooper had written a book. I quickly downloaded the podcast version. I'd only listened to 3 episodes before I decided I needed the whole book and restarted my Audible subscription just to get it. I have always loved Cooper's sexy voice. And his writing is always witty and engrossing. While I am not a swinger, I am poly. I learned quite a bit from this book and was also thoroughly entertained. It was an excellent first hand account of getting into and staying in the lifestyle. I would recommend this book to anyone!
January 19, 2015
If you've ever wondered what swinging was all about, look no further than My Life on the Swingset. No, it's not a how to guide, though no matter what your background, you're likely to learn something. Instead, it's a collection of vivid, honest, humorous and approachable essays on everything from Beckett's first date as a swinging couple to jealousy, orgies, prostate orgasms and other topics. It's refreshing to see a male memoir about sex that's wiling to reveal lust, nervousness, geekiness and passion.
May 9, 2017
It was just ok. I was disappointed with how little it talked about polyamory and other relationships. As a poly women (who mostly dates girls) I didn't find much of his anecdotes about being a male swinger helpful. I ended up skimming about half of it. One of the things I did like though was his comparison of asking someone out to Schrodinger's cat. There are three options: "1. She says yes and you get to the next phase. 2. She says no and you don't get to the next phase 3. You don't ask and you don't get to the next phase." definitely a confidence booster.
September 30, 2016
I absolutely loved this book. It's all written in first person book about one man's journey into the world of non-monogamy, about opening up his marriage, going through swinging and ending up digging into polyamory. It's personal, touching, witty and funny. At the same time hugely educational. I love Cooper's writing! This book is divided into small essays, and you can just read a couple of pages a day, or just gulp it all in one day.
November 20, 2015
A good read, especially for those thinking about opening up their relationships. I enjoyed the casual voice Beckett uses in his essays, which makes sense, especially considering how he wrote them, but what was missing was a bit more of the story of who, what, where, when. By the end of the book, I was feeling the essays were becoming a bit repetitive, but I enjoyed the book overall.
May 9, 2016
Nerdy and hilarious.
July 1, 2017
I quite enjoyed this look into the world of swinging and polyamory. Cooper is raw and open in sharing his experiences. A good listening experience (audiobook is read by the author).
October 1, 2018
After reading, well listening to, his two fictional (audio)books, I had to listen to the non fictional one just to hear to his voice a little longer. The content was good too. It’s interesting reading & learning about other lifestyles.
I liked that he suggested “Opening Up” by Tristan Taormino in his book. That’s why it took me so long to read it, because he mentioned another book & said if I hadn’t read that one, to stop reading his & go do so. I did. It was worth it.
I got quite a few laughs out of this book, and some very interesting insight. I hope he writes more...
I liked that he suggested “Opening Up” by Tristan Taormino in his book. That’s why it took me so long to read it, because he mentioned another book & said if I hadn’t read that one, to stop reading his & go do so. I did. It was worth it.
I got quite a few laughs out of this book, and some very interesting insight. I hope he writes more...
March 1, 2018
I loved reading this. It is fun and never boring. You'll find wisdom, humor, self-relativism, good first-person information, and tips about swinging and poly.
October 3, 2018
Honest and insightful
February 28, 2016
A great anthology of Cooper’s writing from the blog of On the Swingset (and some new stuff)! I felt like I had sat down to listen to some personal advice from someone with a lot of experience in the ethically non-monogamous lifestyle. Well-written and engaging, as well as informative.
Displaying 1 - 18 of 18 reviews